Monday, April 29, 2019

There Is No Longer A Point Of Destination @ This Journey Tho/

I am in this sort of blue wonder funk, life is magical and deep and delicious,
I can taste it like food, emotions are in deep vibrant colors and musical notes feel solid and I feel touched and am touching all my emotions, feeling deeper than I have felt yet feeling nothing then everything again, no longer caring if anyone else can understand my process and progress, no longer worried if anyone is confused by my actions and opinions. as long as I am not, that is the point.
beyond heartbreak is being found and seen and cared for by your own self.
amazing grace is that each day we get up and cry again but try again.
motivated and uplifted by a slauson boy.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Bigger and Better and Stronger Everyday...

In 2015 I walked away from toxic family dynamics literally saving my sanity and life.
The most painful thing in the world is watching someone you love obliterate their own self.
Eventually, I recognized I could no longer live a life soaked in fear, blame, shame and utter chaos,  I have cut off all contact with blood relatives on purpose and without malice, 4 years into my self imposed exile my life is peaceful, quiet, golden and based in truth.
No more worrying, headaches and being terrified to

answer my phone after ten p.m. I have not once felt guilty, Mostly...I Feel Free.
I accept that most people have no interest in changing their dismal life situations, and that it is not my responsibility to make them, My world has opened up in overstanding and acceptance. All is in divine order and every body is where they are supposed to be...
Peace Be Still.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

It Is Called LIFE...

April 2019 is kicking my ass without apology or explanation, the lows are very low and the highs are very high, and I will take it All...

Monday, April 22, 2019

H.I.M. @Prince Rogers Nelson @ God Will Rise...


Not Good, Not Bad, Just Is, @ Keepin' It Movin'.

22 days of April and my ass is kicked, pummeled and down, the grace of this horrible month is that in 8 days it shall be over.

Saturday, April 20, 2019

This Will Be An Everlasting Love/ @Missing Them

Ella David Al Natalie Barry Marvin Tammi  and So Many More.....


Friday, April 19, 2019

Back To Crying Daily And Often, but, The Marathon Continues...

I had floated on the periphery of his music for years always impressed by the respect he garnered from across the board, then one late night in February researching business plans and Angel funding for grassroots philanthropy stumbled upon him in a  featured article in Forbes Magazine, I became a rabid superfan by the end of that article, I would have wanted him to be my Father, My Life Partner, My Son, My Uncle, not since my own two fathers have I been so moved and utterly charmed and enchanted  by anyone, and his death has destroyed something in me that will never come through again.
I worshipped Prince Rogers Nelson like Jah but after going through his art, writings and music I found that he knew and was telling us that he would leave us earlier than we could ever imagine. Listening to "Sometimes It Snows In April" will tell you everything you want to know in under 5 minutes, have tissue.
The Friday evening before Ermias was shot I had gone to bed glowing,  after reading interviews and seeing something real and true all up in Love and just celebrating, Lauren London so many of us are holding you up and down, if we feel this sad, Have mercy God. on those who knew him up close

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

"Top Of The Top" @ Nipsey Hussle Hustlin'

When I die
I want to
make one
love someone

Monday, April 15, 2019

Not Quite Spry and Spunky But They Are In The Building...Monday Gratitude Flow/

An Elder told once told me, we experience the same issues because we get to them but do not go all the way through them, I did not really grasp that concept until Nipsey Hussle's leaving shook away years of walled in grief, those walls, they came down hard  in April 2019, I am shook but no longer shattered..
I AM gonna be 'aight, we all are. 
With sweet overstanding and dazzling acceptance I finally get it,
We Are All Where We Are Supposed To Be...
The tears flowed deep enough to drown in, 
But I have learned how to swim.
Live on and Love Hard and be the fuck who you really are, A majestic King said that to me once and I fell in love on the spot.


Sunday, April 14, 2019

Dear April, @ When I Get Back Up Tho///

In the late night early morning hours of March 30th and 31st, I awoke from a night terror dream explosion  my skin was burning, head was pounding and soul thundered, as if the world was ending because it was.
I immediately called my ex husband and texted the son that we share to extend a warning I could not place, the fact that we are estranged made it even stranger for all of us, I had to stress that I was chemical and alcohol free and not hallucinating.
Sunday, the 31st I was so sad and anxious, it was hellish and it took hours to stop shaking, at near 4p.m. my son texted me "Maybe your vision/dream was about Nipsey Hussle, I went to the news and my heart has not returned to my chest.
In February researching business plans and Angel Investors I happened on an article featuring this young King out of Crenshaw doing his thang, I became a superfan overnight, I was in awe at his brilliance and fyah. I only found his music this week but the interviews and stories and red carpet appearances were gathering me up in a way I had not experienced in a long while.
Add to that I had loved Lauren London from the movie she did withTip all those years ago, I was delighted to find her with this magnificent Ermias, I was as happy as I am heartbroken that we have lost him.
After a long while of flying high I was brought crashing down to earth recently, epiphanies and a sea of tears but after watching twelve hours of coverage on April 11th of Ermia's Celebration of Life, I have decided to celebrate mine in a way I had not been doing, the last few days I have reclaimed my joy and with his spirit of generosity, in his memory and for all the critic's and detractors, I sat down and set up the businesses that I need to succeed, and got serious about gathering the resources that I need to acquire as a solitary Creative/Artist/Activist, I realize after seeing Nipsey's turn out that I have to embrace my aloneness, I am not loved like he is, never was and never will be, but better? even if late to the game, I love me immensely, I got my back, and Nipsey Hussle you will never be forgotten and I know you are in Light. Shine On Us Suh!

Good Morning Heart Ache/Sit Down/Mourning A Young King

 Memories of joy and laughter and looking deep into the eyes of Home. Robert Timothy -Anton I miss you. I love you.  Not sure how to keep th...